Roopa Swaminathan’s Blog

After an 18-month hiatus, I\’m back baby!

So? \r\n

Is it just me or did John Edwards in his interview with Bob Woodruff remind you of Tom Cruise?\r\n

It was by far the most cringe inducing interview I have ever seen. Other than Cruise jumping on Oprah\’s couch.\r\n

Well, that interview finished Cruise\’s career.\r\n

And chances are that last night\’s interview finished Edwards\’.\r\n

What blew my mind was how totally self-righteous he sounded. Despite the fact that a so-called sleazy tabloid broke the news about his adulterous affair, Edwards still dismissed every question Woodruff brought up last night as nothing more than sleazy tabloid reportage. Never mind it was he who had the affair - which by the way, I have no problems with. I mean in India we have politicians who are illegally married three times and have multiple mistresses. It just doesn\’t bother us what happens behind people\’s bedroom. Hell, if the wives don\’t care why should we? That\’s been our mantra. What I do have HUGE problems with is the lying. I have huge issues with how categorically Edwards claimed that his adulterous affair was a total figment of a sleazy tabloid reporter\’s imagination. And he kept this lie up for two years. During which he could just as well have become the Presidential nominee. Who knows what would have happened had he been the nominee and the story broke now?\r\n

God! Edwards was so ridiculous last night. He had clearly gone to a tanning salon and gotten himself artificially orange colored, he smiled more times than he should have, he was smug and self righteous and talked about being 99% honest with the truth – (newsflash to Edwards - you are either honest or not, buddy! Take your pick). And then the ultimate please-let-me-at-him-so-I-can-slap-the-smug-a…hole moment was when Woodruff asked why his wife Elizabeth wasn\’t with him and Edwards goes, \”She doesn\’t need to be here physically because she is here.\” And that point he gestured to his heart!!!! \r\n

Seriously? \r\n

She was in your heart when you had your little roll in the hay with the other woman? She was in your heart when she was getting treated for an incurable form of cancer that she has been battling with for the past two years while you went around sleeping with another woman? \r\n

Seriously? \r\n

I was reminded last night of something my brother told me when I was in England this summer. He felt that he had this strong gut feeling that told him that some skeleton would come out in the open with Barack Obama and that the Democrats would be grievously wounded by that disclosure when the convention finally rolled out. I think, somewhere my brother\’s instincts were right. Someone\’s skeletons did come out, except it wasn\’t Obama\’s (Thank God!) but another Presidential wannabe\’s who was being touted as a possible Vice President for Obama or even the Attorney General. \r\n

As impressed with my brother\’s instincts as I am, I hope it doesn\’t go any beyond what happened with Edwards last night. Note to Ketha – if you have any more predictions or revelations – keep it to yourself! Because here\’s hoping the Democrats are able to put the artificially tanned self righteous sleazy lawyer turned Presidential wannabe like Edwards behind and move on.\r\n

Readers may know that I have posted here before on my ardent desire to see Brangelina go away. I am so, so, so sick of them.

But turns out, it may never happen.

If I had a hard time living a life where I constantly doubted my self-worth and am often plagued with questions like ‘What have I accomplished in my life so far?’ and “What is my worth in life?’ – I can tell you this much. The birth of Brangelina’s new twins has put paid to even a modicum of self esteem I may have ever had.

Photos of Brangelina’s twins fetched an insane 14 million dollars!

14 fucking million dollars!

I don’t think with a double Masters degree and a prestigious National award to my name that I will ever see one tenth of that amount in my life time!

I have constantly been upstaged by others. Others who I have felt were less qualified than me and others who I have often whined have had more breaks and luck that I ever did.

But to be outdone by two toddlers at birth?

I don’t know whether to be appalled by a world where magazines like People and Hello actually pay this kind of ridiculous money to publish pictures of two five pound babies who look nothing more than squished meatballs? Or that we live in a world where People pay that kind of money because they know that there are millions out there who will buy their magazines. Only to see pictures of these two babies who at this age can be interchanged with any number of babies newborn around the world.

What a SICK, SICK and SAD world we live in.

Either way – yesterday was not a good day for me.

I’d blogged a few days back about John Grisham. Today I’m compelled to write one about another extraordinarily popular mainstream fiction writer David Baldacci.

Baldacci is known for writing fast paced thrillers. And for the most part they’re even good. What I’m not able to keep up with is the number of books he churns out. I’m not even kidding when I say that the last time (2007) I was in the middle of finishing up a Baldacci book when I came across the next one that happened to be the sequel to the one I was reading. I’m reasonably sure the books came out within 3 months of each other.

One of the most common questions I get asked (since I’m also a bonafide writer who blogs during the times I don’t write) is how? How do writers like Baldacci write up to three books a year? Thing is, it’s pretty simple. It’s said that writers are born and not made. While there is some truth to that, imagine when you’re born a writer and the more you write, the better you become at it. It gets better when you understand some of the tricks of the trade. Most editors will have a certain word count for authors. More often than not, writers will then push the word count out of the way and instead commit to a certain number of pages.

Is that different? Committing to number of pages instead of number of words?

I’m glad you asked.

They are.

Chances are that you might submit a manuscript with 100,000 words in it. If the manuscript is dense and is loaded up with exposition, then the book may be hard pressed to even hit the 275 page limit. In the publishing world that’s barely a novel. On the other hand I would not be surprised if Baldacci’s books are somewhere between 75000-80000 words but he frequently hits the 400 pages limit. That’s because Baldacci’s books have chapters that are rarely over two pages. The last page of each of his chapter is barely six or seven lines and his new chapter begins halfway into the next page. Already, your page count increases without the word count. Also, Baldacci often resorts to dialogues and writes them with almost no exposition. For example - imagine a conversation between a couple.

Hi.

Hey.

What’s going on?

Not much.

You look beat.

I am.

Why?

Because.

Because why?

Didn’t sleep.

When?

Last night.

I could go on. Basically, if I sent in a manuscript with dialogues such as the one I’ve written above, editors will ask me to go jump in the Atlantic Ocean. But when you hit the level of success like a Baldacci, anything goes. And while the above is a clear example of anything, in Baldacci’s case, it so goes.

I’m almost a 100% sure that about the only thing Baldacci now concentrates on is coming up with a plot. Once he has that in his head, I don’t think he takes anymore than maybe three weeks to have the first draft of his novel.

So clearly, the question is…does quality suffer?

And the simple and most clichéd answer is - hell yeah!

The follow up to that is, will it stop people from including myself from reading his books?

Quite simply – no.

Bottom line – so far anyway – a book a month from Baldacci is still better than a lot of other pulp writers out there. So till even his plots are wafer thin (so okay – his last two books have hit that stage), I think Baldacci will not have to worry about reader rats deserting his writerly ship anytime soon.

I guess the surprising thing then is not how Baldacci is able to write three books a year. Surprising thing is how on earth is he able to control himself from writing twelve!

So… 

I’m very surprised at the number of people who have been writing to me in response to my blogs on the Bale situation. Almost every one of them called me names and asked me to lay off Bale. There was just one comment that I went ahead and posted because while the reader also asked me to lay the hell off Bale and Crowe, he or she at least did not use any cuss words directed at me. I’m all for passionate rejoinders people but my father reads these blogs and I can’t have cuss words directed at his daughter and on her own blog site!

Thing is…first of all…I’m incredibly surprised and also pleasantly surprised that Bale has as many fans. In the past I have ALWAYS had to tell people who he was. Every time I said Bale was my all time favorite actor ever (and people - I’m Indian and we have a lot of actors locally that we love and follow), I had to also immediately tell them who he was and some of the films he had done. There was NEVER any recall factor as far as Bale was concerned. So the fact that he has so many defenders out there, great. 

What astounds me is that I have been asked to lay off Bale!

And I’m one of those diehard Bale maniacs and have been since the days of Little Women and Newsies! So I saw both movies much after they came out, but I also am one of those who owns Metroland and Laurel Canyon. And American Psycho. So…I don’t need anyone to tell me to lay off the Bale! I’ve followed him enough and am part of that core group of people who made Bale’s cult reputation as a brilliant, maverick and extraordinary actor. I care enough to question when he screws up. Look - it’s not even like he assaulted some reporter. This was his mum and sister. The more stories I read about the situation, it seems like his sister is one bad apple. Regardless, the fact that he would do something that would make his mum and sister file a complaint against him frankly bothers me. 

Look, I’m all for freedom of speech and welcome anyone and everyone to read my blog and leave comments. But I also reserve the right to my own opinion as well. I’m equally SICK and TIRED of people asking me to lay off scum like Crowe because he’s a terrific actor and apparently that’s all we should look at.

Sorry for the language but that’s complete bollocks.

Look. The film world and people associated with are different. Because they are treated differently. Warren Buffet has handed over his entire fortune to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and asked them to use his billions towards all kinds of social work around the world. That money will save lives. But the average human being on planet Earth does not even know who Buffet is much less takes the time to say thank you. Crowe is not like that. Actors are loved and deified. They get more than their share of love and adulation than should be allowed. Which means that it is absolutely essential that the very least they can do is be thankful and show their thanks to the very people who made it happen for them. Crowe’s misbehavior and churlish attitudes towards fans are legendary. So he may be an amazing actor but he is a bloody cow. 

And yes. I have the right to expect people like Crowe to be more than great actors. I have the right to expect them to be decent human beings.

After all of my explanations, if there are those who still think I don’t have a life and should let go of actors’ personal lives and look at them just as actors - first of all, bugger off. This is my blog. I’ll write what I want. 

And second of all, as far as Bale is concerned, none of Bale’s diehard fans like myself EVER questioned him regarding his personal life. That’s because he never allowed any of it to come out. And we have been fine with it. But the first time something happens, it happens with his closest family. The least we can do is wonder what is going on. Not to point out that he is inhuman but just wonder what’s going on. Seriously - the dude has been so insanely grouchy and angry and pissy throughout the entire week before The Dark Knight came out. What the hell was up with that? He is finally hitting the big time…shouldn’t he at least enjoy it? And don’t we have the right to ask that of him? As Baleheads who have wanted this for him for so long, for it to finally happen to him and he acts as if he’s in the middle of his biggest nightmare - come on! 

I still adore Bale. I always will. But fact is - if he continues being grouchy and bad tempered it doesn’t mean I will stop watching his films. But I will announce to the world that I am disappointed with him. There are very few people I truly admire. And part of the reason I admire them is apart from their incredible talents, they’re also fundamentally good human beings. That’s important to me. And I still believe that of Bale. I just ask he smile every once in awhile. You don’t like that aspect of mine, feel free to get off this page and go someplace else. 

Oh and one more time….as regards Crowe…he may be the best actor of his generation but he’s a bloody scumbag. You can appreciate him all you want for his talents as an actor and so do I, but fact is he’s a bloody cow. 

I stand by that comment and you can quote me on it!

So…

I have an MFA in Creative Writing. So as such, I’m constantly in touch with writers who believe that literary fiction is where it’s all at. Mainstream fiction is absolutely abhorred by this rather elitist group of people. As someone who reads anything that’s printed / written and in languages I know (including English, Hindi, Marathi, Tamil and French), I have no such issues. I love reading. period. I love lit fiction almost as much as I love mainstream fiction. I’m actually even a little envious of writers like John Grisham and David Baldacci who know the pulse of the audience and deliver fast paced books at a fairly regular rate. Okay. So Baldacci publishes his new book even before I finish the old one but that’s a whole different story.

I recently finished The Appeal by Grisham. It was classic Grisham. Fast paced, about the legal system, and dealt with a very basic, moral and ethical issue.

****Spoiler Alert******

STOP reading if you don’t want to know how the book ends.

I had a long argument with my brother over the ending of the book. He felt that by making the rich company (that was morally completely corrupt) win, Grisham actually made the ‘victim’ win. This is because these days a lot of companies are slapped with class action lawsuits made by unscrupulous lawyers over extremely frivolous issues. For example - McDonald’s having to shell out some $8 million because a customer got scalded since their coffee was too hot - okay, preposterous. But that wasn’t the case with the situation in The Appeal. The big cimpany did screw over the poor townspeople. They needed to get their comeuppance. But didn’t.

I thought the ending was heartbreaking. As much as I was enthralled with Grisham as he outlines how the legal system can be played with in the US, somehow, I still held out the hope that the poor guys would finally triumph. That did not happen.

So - I’m throwing out this challenge to Mr. Grisham.

If he is as good a writer as I give him credit for, I would like him to write a sequel to The Appeal. I need for him to exploit his knowledge and awareness of the American legal system and then use his skills as a writer and in the sequel enlighten us as to how the smaller guy - with no money, no powers whatsoever can play the system for what it is and triumph.

If Grisham did that, I would be extremely impressed.

And I think I can actually convince some of my snotty lit friends that mainstream fiction has a lot of merit too!

I never thought that as much of a fan as I was of Christian Bale, that I would write as much about him.That’s because he was never ever in the news as much as he has been this past week.

It won’t be an exagerration to say he has shattered the myth of the ‘private Bale” this week.

I’m sorry for going on and on about Bale and trust me when I say that I lead a perfectly normal life and actually HAVE a life just in case any of you wonder out there. There is also much more to me than some strange obssession with Bale. Thing was that Bale represented everything that was right in the world of cinema to me.

Brilliant actor.

Dedication to his craft unlike any other.

Infinitely polite to one and everyone.

So incredibly private that even his fans hate to out any secret of his including keeping his daughter’s name a secret for the longest time because they knew how private he himself was. He never sold out and still made it on his own. It took a slow and long time, he still made it. And we loved that about him.

And then one week just about smashes everything one had thought. Not just the news about him assaulting his mum and sister (although none of the news stories actually confirms what happened) but now also about the flare up at the Salvation sets when he apparently took off on the cinematographer.

What the f….?

I guess a lot of Baleheads feel heartbroken. These are a small group who are probably as committed to their work and their lives and careers as Bale is to his. I know I am. That’s why as creative artists, there was a kindred spirit in Bale. And In a way, his success meant we had a chance somewhere down the line.

But I don’t know anymore.

I don’t like Bale if he did indeed abuse that cinematographer. My respect will nosedive if it hasn’t already if news about his mum and sis are true. Thing is - no matter the provocation - Baleheads such as me thought Chtistian would always rise above and beyond. Maybe that was a highly unrealistic expectation. But he set it up for us. He seemed to have set such a high standard for himself, now if there are chinks in the armor, in a way he is to be blame.

I still feel very nebulous about the whole thing. None of it is explained by the fact that Bale insists on saying nothing about the incidents. I get that. It is personal and too private but not saying anything just adds to my nebulous feeling about him. I want to know that the artist I had supported through the down years was worth my support.

And I MOST certainly do NOT want to feel that maybe a Leonardo Di Caprio is better after all. At least he only lashes out against the paparrazzi!

At this moment, I just don’t know.

But apparently, Bale is currently the biggest star on the planet.

So I guess he really doesn’t need the old diehard Baleheads like me anymore.

Oh well…..

So let’s see.

Bale just had THE biggest film opening ever in the HISTORY of cinema. And guess how he celebrates his becoming the biggest star on the planet?

I wish you’d never asked.

He goes and assaults his mother and his sister and then gets arrested! One day after the biggest premiere of his life in the UK - he assaults not a journalist or even a fan - although he has been looking and acting cranky enough to do both this past week. Oh no. He assaults his mum and sis.

Look. I don’t know the whole truth. Why would his mum and sis lodge a complaint the very week their son / brother becomes the biggest actor on the planet? It all seems a little too contrived. A little too convenient and also mean. Even if Bale did say something horrible (apparently he verbally assaulted them) they could’ve kept it in the family. And I’ve followed / loved Bale for so long, that I will take this with a pinch of salt. Although the BBC just reported that he just got out on bail. Which means something happened. But okay…I will give Bale the benefit of the doubt.

But fact also is is that he has been looking extremely pissed off the past two weeks. This astounds me. Actors pray their entire life to get what Bale just got. The biggest opening ever for a movie that he is headlining. Heath Ledger’s career defining role as Joker aside, this is Bale’s movie. Period. So why is that not enough for these guys? How many blog posts do I have to write where I cannot fathom why actors crave the top - only to get there and then act as if the world as they knew it just crashed around them? Do they have ANY CLUE how many millions are out there who would give their fucking right arm to be where they are? Would it hurt to enjoy it? Would it hurt to smile?

I always thought of Bale as an introvert. But he always managed to be sweet and charming if and when he did the publicity circuit. Except this time.

Maybe it’s being best friends with that rabid maniacal cow Russell Crowe. Seriously, what can one expect if you are friends with an egomaniacal scumbag like Crowe?

I wish I could tell people like Bale and Crowe to take lessons from Bollywood’s biggest superstar - Shahrukh Khan. He is bigger than both of these guys put together - but not once does he begrudge his position. He enjoys it. He loves it. And most of all he is thankful for it. He is gracious to one and all and I speak from personal experience. I had pitched a movie idea to him once. And I saw how he interacted with everyone around him. He was the same kind and gracious self with me as he was with his assistant, his wife, his business partner and the guy who served him his Pepsi.

All the talent in the world doesn’t matter if you’re fundamentally a piece of shit like Crowe is.

Unfortunately it seems like Bale is joining such august company as Sir Crowe.

WHAT A BLOODY PITY!

Act like this some more Bale and you just lost yourself a diehard fan.

So, I’ve never made any secret of my devotion to Bale’s devotion to the acting form. I’ve always waxed eloquent about his committment and dedication to his work. In a world full of Roman Abromviches who not just celebrate every event in their lives on a huge and guady public stage and actually prefer to be known for their dalliances with 20 something young uns than their real accomplishments in life - Bale’s dedication to his art while fiercely guarding his private life was a welcome one. No one knew Bale beyond his work and that was just great. His legend actually grew because of that. But truth be told, with every passing year, when Bale was repeatedly ignored during Oscar season, many Baleheads such as myself had wondered if he had done himself a disservice by being so private. He is the only actor who did the part of a superhero and the average audience in the US did not even know his name. That would never happen to Spiderman!

Till The Last Knight.

Bale finally decided to come out of hibernation and do the publicity circuit.

Sense of relief for Baleheads right?

Wrong.

I wish he had stayed in his Batcave.

From the few interviews he has done before he has always come across as funny and charming. But god knows what’s up his behind but never have I seen another actor more dour and grouchy and petulant as he has been from the interviews he has done this past week in the US.

And as a huge Bale fan, I feel incredibly let down. This was a great time for the world to see and hear Bale. He finally had a platform where he could pick and choose who he wanted to speak with and show himself off. Just a little. I mean, it’s not like he was selling out or anything. But to finally make a public entry but do it so petulantly and with zero sense of humor…the guy looks like his life is a torture chamber or something. The reason why Bale has had the cult following for over a decade is because of fans like me. But after this week, I’m beginning to lose patience. I don’t think Bale can afford to alienate people like me.

Say it with me Baleheads…disappointing!

I know! I haven’t posted in more than a week. Things have been HECTIC! And since I’ll be out of town for the next week, I’ll come back to the site after a week only! I promise I’ll get more regular after my return!